A Letter to Santa
By Josh Hill
I've been a good boy this year and am writing you in the hope that you actually bring me what I want for Christmas. I must say, I was extremely disappointed in your efforts last year. You didn't bring me the working Iron Man suit I asked for or the Victoria's Secret model I suggested if the working rocket boots and laser equipped gloves were too difficult to obtain.
This year I've made it easy for you by only including on my list items that already (I assume) exist, in the hope that you will not disappoint me once again.
1. Dark Knight movie replica Motorcycle Suit
See. I've even supplied you with a link for this one. You could opt to use elf labour if you choose but if that is going to be too hard or the elves are too busy making wooden trains or packaging lego and video games (I assume Sony and Microsoft send you the discs and you package them yourself... Unless you make the elves reproduce Modern Warfare 3 for every 12 year old who has it on their list. That is not very efficient, Santa and if that is the case I can see why you were unable to put the elves to better use by having them invent my Iron Man.)
2. Cape and Cowl to go with the above mentioned motorcycle suit
Because it would just look silly without them. If you can't be bothered putting the stuff together, just send me the 10,000 bat ears so as to not arouse suspicion. I can put the thing together myself.
You're probably wondering why I haven't asked for a motorcycle. I have no need for one...
3. Grappling hook and launcher
I may need to scale buildings at a moments notice... Better you don't ask why the less you know the better.
4. Bat shaped boomerangs
No. Not toys. Actual metal boomerangs that can be used to... throw at things. Again, the less you know the better.
5. Victoria's secret model
Again, I include this as a fall back position to make things easier on you. If you can't obtain the other stuff I have plenty of use for a lingerie model.
I'm thinking something in a Miranda Kerr?
Once again, I thank you for your time and hope you don't disappoint me again. You've really dropped the ball the last couple of years.