New Year's Resolutions

 

By Josh Hill

 

So 2010 has been and gone and judging from the amount of Facebook statuses making reference to the amount of suckage this particular year was responsible for I’ve decided to do something I don’t normally do at the beginning of the New Year. I have come up with a list of things that I wish to achieve in 2011 because lets face it, we have just under 2 years before the zombie apocalypse/regular apocalypse/next stage of human evolution resulting in super powers causing the human race to destroy it self, as predicted by the Mayans.

 

So in 2011 I intend to do the following:

Drink more.
Yes, alcohol. I drink plenty of water and am very well hydrated so there is no improvement needed in that department. Lets face it. Normal resolutions are hard, requiring one to improve oneself in some way. Self-improvement is hard. Making yourself worse is easy. Especially when you’re as awesome as I am. And alcohol makes everything more fun, right?

 

Learn to play the ukulele.
I was given a ukulele a little while ago as a gift and despite not being a fat Hawaiian guy I intend to learn to play it in the hope of impressing chicks. Why the Ukulele I hear you ask. I answer that question with another question. Can you think of a song that would not be better when played on a ukulele? Me neither. Every douche bag plays guitar. Only some douche bags play the ukulele.

 

Grow a beard.
Yeah. Ok. Those who know me know that this goal doesn’t need to be set in any official sense but it will be easy to achieve and will help to pad out this list nicely.

 

Shave said beard into a muttonstache.
The reason for this one is self-explanatory.

 

So there you have it. These are my goals for 2011. I wish you good luck with yours and hope they are not too ambitious like mine.